Our
Response?
At
the end of our A.G.M. Bishop Saunders led a short discussion on the way forward.
He encouraged us to recognize the bewildering situation we find ourselves
in as an organisation, as a church and as a culture.
In the face of such bafflement he pinpointed the need to wait, to watch
and to pray. This
would lead to the deepening of faith, hope and love.
So
it was that I believe we saw afresh the relevance of our strapline.
Only God can guide us and if we are willing draw us closer to him.
He calls us all, individually as well as corporately to come closer but
he does not force us, we have to make a response.
To encourage you to make that response I would like to share something of
my prayer diary of ten years ago.
I
had given up my responsibilities as prayer coordinator and had not yet taken on
the magazine. Every
word I heard from the Lord seemed to be about waiting and resting in the Lord,
He seemed to give me every possible waiting scripture.
I had to learn to just “be” and not “do”, see issue 18 (February
2000). Here is just a little
of what I learned about the prayer of waiting.
Be
Still and Wait on the Lord.
“I
have come to realise that the prayer God now wants of me is just to concentrate
on Him and allow Him to do the praying.
Although I have known this for a long time and would readily quote Psalm
46:10 and Psalm 37:4 it is still a temptation after a while to resort to praying
"my prayers".
As an intermediary step I have been able to reflect and meditate on
things that concern or interest me, bring my desires and longings to the surface
and offer the lot to God to "sort out".
I know that He has an interest in these things and that He has to a
greater or lesser extent given me the associated feelings regarding these
matters, I have just trusted Him "to pick up the pieces."
This I believe he has graciously done, but He is still urging me to trust
Him more with "my" prayer.
One night in April 1998 I heard that gentle voice saying that what He was
asking of me was in fact the hardest prayer of all, that is simply waiting on
the Lord. Early
the next day I prayed again for the church but I was still offering my longings
to the Lord. But
I found the prayer very hard and painful and I sensed a great battle within; am
I still trying to do the praying?
A
few days later I had a complicated dream. I was in a restaurant where there is
so much to do and it didn't seem to be getting done, I look into every
department, serving the meal, and the kitchens, but my help wasn’t needed
there were lots of servants standing waiting to do the work.
I just sensed that it is not my job.
As I woke I saw a spaniel just waiting to get on with the job, chasing or
retrieving or whatever.
All the master wants is for the dog to wait patiently at His feet.
Was I to be like that?
Am I so keen to serve, pray even, that I am not just waiting on the Lord?
At
that time I was reading a book by the Carthusians about Interior Prayer.
I felt moved to check up on the prayer stage of "Union of will"
as described they described it.1
I read again that it is rare this step on the road to Union with God.
I have resisted coming to this opinion because it sounds elitist and I
firmly believe that we are all called to be holy, set apart for God.2
Now it dawns on me what this Union of Will really is.
In my prayer for a holy church I have realised just how much our
differences grieve the Lord and how every committed Christian believes that they
are serving God according to His will.
But we can't all be right and therefore maybe we are sadly deluded!
Of course not all the time, but those of us that would claim to be in
Charismatic Renewal are amongst the offenders simply because we do hear so
often. The
only way to pray now is to wait on Him, no opinion, no request, just standing in
the gap to give the church back to Him and allow Him to purify her. (Eph
5:25 )
This
is why I believe that the Lord said it is the hardest prayer;
it has to be a prayer of His will not mine and I surrender that too in a
new way.”
Reading
this again after nearly 10 years causes me to see how often I have failed.
I am amazed at the number of times I think that I have surrendered only
to find that I am still claiming back or interfering.
But our God
is a loving forgiving God and I know that he still wants to use me.
I might have tried hard to be a contemplative, intercessor when in
reality I should have rejoiced in being “In Christ”
and a part of the Intercessor.
1
Union of Will Page
140 Interior
Prayer - A
Carthusian DLT